couldn't organise a piss-up in a brewery

Presents an example of a minimally simple project that the person or group described is presumed unable to accomplish.

• "“Deladrieux should have stayed an accountant,” Murphy sighed. “He's got three people working for him but they're just administrative clerks, pencil-pushers, they couldn't organise a piss-up in a brewery. That's what you get when you assign engineering jobs to non-engineers.[…]”"
• "'It'll be a sad day when the British leave. You lot couldn't organise a piss-up in a brewery without the Queen, God bless her'."
• "But, a tip for everyone reading this, don't use Visa Machine, as it couldn't organise a piss-up in a brewery! And I should know, as I have had three breweries and I can!"

• couldn't organise a bun fight in a bakery
• couldn't organise an orgy in a brothel
• couldn't organise a two-ticket raffle
• couldn't pour water out of a boot

• way out of a paper bag
• way to run a railroad
• whelk stall